


Teach Me How To Say Goodbye

by crazychloe08



Series: angsty laurens/hamilton oneshots [2]
Category: 17th Century CE RPF, 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Death, Alexander Hamilton Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, F/M, Hamilton References, Inner Dialogue, M/M, Minor Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Oneshot, Oneshot to get the creative juices flowing, the world was wide enough references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29154837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazychloe08/pseuds/crazychloe08
Summary: "He let darkness succumb him, taking away the pain and the noises of the world"aka: I had writers block so I wrote this--Hamilton in his last moments on earth and first moments dead.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Angelica Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton & Death, Alexander Hamilton & George Washington, Alexander Hamilton & Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton & Philip Hamilton (1782-1801), Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Rachel Faucette Buck & Alexander Hamilton
Series: angsty laurens/hamilton oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146194
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey-o! This is a short little oneshot I used to help pull me out of writer's block, so enjoy!

_ ‘Twas only a matter of time _ , were his last thoughts as he took a deep breath, not at all graceful, but shuddering and sending splinters of pain down his chest, his shattered ribs screaming. He closed his eyes, his dearest Betsy’s weeping face his last gaze upon the mortal world. 

Her eyes were red and puffy, yet she was the most beautiful wife Alexander could ever imagine. She wore her dark hair pinned up like she always did, little wisps of never grown baby hair framing her face, silver earrings clinking against her creamy, smooth skin, her deep, brown eyes lined with tears. 

Behind her, Angelica softly wept, her hand squeezing Eliza’s her observant, hawk’s face turned down and schooled into features Alexander knew no man had ever seen--perhaps not even her own husband, but reserved for the ones she held most dear, the ones she let her guard down. 

_ “Let my suffering be none of your concern”  _ he had consoled Eliza earlier. 

_ “When I take my leave of this world, I will rejoin our dear Peggy and Phillip _ ” Eliza cried harder at this. 

_ “They shall look after me, and I, them, as we wait to see you again”  _ Breathing was labor as he spit up blood into a handkerchief. There was still so much to do, say, finish. 

Panic washed over him as he struggled to take a breath, broken up by a cough of blood. 

How will his children grow up without a father, just as he had? Little Willy was only five years of age! 

Alexander felt the darkness creep into his vision. 

No! Not yet! 

He had thrown away his shot. 

Is this how history will remember him? Will his legacy be tarnished by the thrown away shot?

What was legacy? ‘Twas planting seeds in a garden, you never got to see. He realized that now, he realized legacy was not what you left behind, but  _ who _ . 

Who lives? Who dies? Who tells your story?

He left some notes behind, some papers of what he had intended to do. He hoped Eliza would know what to do.

America sent for him. He had done more in his lifetime than many old men decades older than he had achieved, even as an orphaned immigrant. So why couldn’t he rest?

He was running out of time. Running out of time, running out of time, running out of time.

_ “Teach them how to say goodbye” _ Washington had told him that late night, candlelight barely burning as Alexander sputtered excuses for the president not to leave office. Even then, he knew it was time to move on. So why couldn’t he now?

He had fought through sickness, natural disaster, grief, famine, poverty, rebellion, war, and poisoned political pursuits. 

His eyelids flickered and he gasped, catching a glimpse of blinding light. 

His mother, with her warm, crinkled smile held her arms out, dark curls tumbling down her shoulders. 

Phillip and his troublemaker’s smile beckoned toward him.

George Washington surveys him and nods, his eagle eye gaze confirming everything.

A sob chokes him.

A tall man with honey blonde hair, tied tightly in a cascading ponytail, with sharp diamond eyes and a thin-lipped smile that could outshine the stars themselves marched through his vision, leading men with uniforms on. 

A soldier's chorus.

He turned, and his gaze softened, only a fraction, but in a way that it had millions of times when he was living, and Alexander knew what it meant. 

It was time. Even as Eliza’s tear-tracked face floated in and out of his vision, he knew he had accomplished all he could in this realm. He knew that America had plans, and she didn’t need him anymore.

_ “My Love”  _ he croaked  _ “Take your time, I’ll see you on the other side”  _ Eliza pressed a sweet open-mouthed kiss on his cheek, a tear slipping down her chin and onto his face. She was letting him go. He would miss her, but it was time.

_ ‘Twas only a matter of time _ he thought as the world seemed to spin and he felt his body go numb. 

He let darkness succumb him, taking away the pain and the noises of the world. 

He felt his consciousness drift away as he became one with the darkness. Maybe there was no “other side”, perhaps he would just be reduced to atoms. Comically enough, he was fine with that, fine with eternal rest.

_ Open your eyes _ . Something inside commanded him. Did he even have eyes?

His eyes snapped open, white light flooding his vision and making him squint. 

As his eyes adjusted he could just make out several figures approaching him. 

“Alexander!” one called out breathlessly.

Alexander Hamilton smiled as he rushed into the arms of his mother, tears blurring his vision, yet still making out the other familiar figures of his past in front of him. 

One in a yellow dress.

One wearing a soldier's uniform, 

One with the stance of a commander.

One that looked like himself, but with his mother’s gaze.

He could finally rest, for he was home, and here to stay.


	2. The Other-Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Laurens greets his old lover Alexander Hamilton in the afterlife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :D

Laurens watched Alexander collide with his mother in a tearful embrace as his own heart thumped wildly against his chest. He balled his clammy hands as the anticipation grew.

Would they embrace? Merely shake hands? Had Alexander forgotten about him all those years after his death? Had their love ceased with his death? 

Laurens watched Alexander talk to his mother in low murmurs. Even just seeing him still made Laurens’ heart flutter. 

A restless bundle of energy stood beside him, rocking back on his heels and toes, only eight years his junior. Time was odd. 

Phillip looked up at Laurens as if to ask _Can I?_ Laurens nodded and patted the boy on the back. He watched as Phillip bolted to his father. They collided and Laurens heard Alexander’s laugh sing through the air.

Oh, he had missed him more than he knew. It melted Laurens’ heart watching Alexander cling to his lost son, but also reminded him where their boundaries lie. 

A ghost of a smile appeared on Laurens's lips watching the young boy chatter to his father, speaking a million miles per second. Phillip grinned and gestured to Laurens, making his heart drop.

Alexander’s eyes followed Phillip’s gesture, gazing over Laurens, and stopped. 

“Go on Laurens” George Washington murmured from beside him, a steady rock of reassurance and security, “You and he have waited long enough” Laurens took a deep breath and unconsciously smoothed his uniform. 

Laurens took a couple of steps, letting Alexander’s eyes rove over his body, calculating. A small, watery smile broke over Alexander’s face, and at this moment, Laurens knew that nothing had changed. 

“Hello Alexander,” he finally said, his voice rough and it cracked, but as violet eyes met clear blue, he didn’t care. 

They moved in tandem, rushing toward each other and stopping mere inches from one another. The air was still and those around them faded away. It was just the two of them, now and in this moment. 

“This is for leaving me” Alexander grunted and then without warning punched Laurens across the jaw, pain flaring through his body. Before Laurens could respond, Alexander threw himself onto Laurens, embracing his frame. 

The weight was so familiar as Laurens held on tight, not hesitating to lay his head on Alexander’s shoulder, his nose in his auburn locks. 

Alexander looked up at him, his violet eyes clear and sparkling. 

“You’re as beautiful as the day you left” he whispered. Laurens couldn’t help it as he rushed and captured Alexander’s lips with his, stars bursting behind his eyes as he gripped the other man’s face. 

It could have been minutes, hours, days, months, years, standing there, holding each other and kissing like the world was ending. It was not a soft, sweet kiss like the ones they traded in secret or the whirlwind kisses of passion, it was full of every emotion possible. 

Full of every emotion that had been felt during their separation. 

Laurens could almost taste Alexander’s grief on his tongue. 

Tears lined both their eyes as they stepped apart, a little out of breath, but basked in euphoria.

“I have so much to tell you!” Alexander piped, voice with a tone nothing less than pure happiness. 

“I have missed you so much, dear boy” Laurens answered, letting a full smile settle onto his cheeks. 

“I love you” Alexander blurted, grabbing Laurens’ hand. Laurens gently squeezed his calloused fingers. 

“We have all the time in the world, now” Alexander leaned into Laurens as each deceased loved one greeted the newcomer, full over embraces, kisses and some tears, but through it all, Alexander never let go of Laurens’ hand.

They could start over now, spend the rest of eternity together, just like it should have been, just like it had always been. Never letting go. 

No more hiding. 

Nothing holding them back. 

Just time. 

Just like Laurens had said. 

They had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I wasn't going to make this more than one chapter, but I wrote this for my "Mr. Loverman" series and made it a continuation of this fic, so I just decided to add another chapter!
> 
> I'm on tumblr! Check my profile out [@crazychloe08](https://crazychloe08.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> yay! angst with a happy ending! I really loved getting to A.Ham's headpsace during this time, idk it was interesting.
> 
> And look at all those "The world was wide enough" references! 
> 
> Unlike my normal works, this one was super short, but I did write it at 12 am to help my brain want to start writing again (writer's blocks is the worst)
> 
> As for my other fics, expect an update for "Mr. Loverman" by the next day-ish or so, and an update for "A Court of Both Worlds" by the end of the week
> 
> I'm always looking to improve, so leave a comment of what you liked and what you want to see! 
> 
> I'm on tumblr! I post updates on my blog so don't miss out! Check me out @crazychloe08


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